BUT that doesn't mean that I'm not extremely endlessly grateful for my health, the health of those around me, and all the love, patience and tolerance I've both given and received this year. I have a great life and would never change anything, and although it's completely valid to still suffer at any given point, it's important for me personally to constantly acknowledge and appreciate the endless blessings that life brings. 

In 2018 I managed to set foot in Spain (both mainland and island), England (yes lol I'm including it because 4 trips to London and a night in Manchester/the Lake District isn't going unrecognised), Poland, France, Canada (both Ontario and BC), the US, Iceland, and I got to keep exploring Scotland. All in all, 20 different flights.

I climbed a lot of mountains, including Ben Nevis, which is probably one of my greatest achievements to date. I taught myself to be wholly comfortable in my own company, and as a result was able to have experiences I would have missed out on otherwise; such as hiking, travelling and concerts.

I've also found that although I don't need to be in a relationship to feel like a "whole" person, through relationships I have found a much stronger sense of self - I'm more aware of my strong will, loyalty and the strength of my love for others. I have never felt more empowered than I have in last half of the year. Although still being at a low point mentally, I became aware of my own needs and developed a more solid sense of self-worth. Relationships do not have to be based on dependence, but can provide support when finding the best version of yourself - and even if they don't work out in the end, for whatever reason, the best thing that can come of it is friendship, and when you need it most, friendship is one of the strongest forces in the world.

Almost trivially, this year I got to do so many cool things. I went to more country gigs this year than I probably ever have - and I loved every single minute of it. I got to see Taylor Swift in two different continents, with friends that I met through her years ago. I got to meet long time and long distance friends (at LONG LAST!!!!). I got to see HAMILTON IN LONDON 4 DAYS INTO THE YEAR!!! I saw my first play, rather than musical. I finally learned to enjoy clubs and become a little more comfortable in busy/scary/overwhelming situations. I took more time out to focus and write about things and learn healthy coping mechanisms. I discovered a new deep love for garlic bread. I taught myself to like coffee, and weirdly it has provided a base for a few friendships. I left my work after almost 3 years to MOVE TO VANCOUVER for the semester, and it's the furthest I've ever been from home and it's scary and exciting and I've already met so many new people. I GOT ACCEPTED TO WORK IN DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In terms of lessons learned this year?;
- Get closure if you need it, and get it again, and again, and again. Living without closure on an issue you spend a lot of time aching over sucks. Don't carry that energy into the next few years.
- Continue to love and respect people whenever you can, but don't let them abuse you because of it. Know your worth and work on it. 

- TRY THINGS. In 2018 I had so many exciting "firsts" and everything is an experience in the end, even if it's a bad one. Take every opportunity that comes your way. 

- Don't close doors. For anything or anyone. The best things take time, and a lot of trial and error. Forgive, but don't forget, and don't close that door. 

There is so much more than I could say about this year, and I want to, and overtime I'll let things slip gradually. Life changes and it's exciting and wild and a new year brings with it a million new adventures. 

Cheers to 2019, and what is hopefully a year filled with love, kindness, friendship, laughter, warmth and companionship for everyone around me.

Lucy x